TVXQ DISBAND?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omfg!!!!!
no!!!!!
this can't be happening.....
there's been rumors about TVXQ will be disband....
because of the lawsuit Junsu, Jaejoong and Yoochun filed on SME....
OMG!!!!????
well....
allkpop had made it cleared that TVXQ will not be disband....
at least not yet....
FUH!!!!
that was a big relief for me....
i was starting to freak out....
well u know me....
i always frek out on everything....
even the tiniest thing in the world....
damn!!!!
what happen if TVXQ really be disband????
owh i can't imagine my life without TVXQ.....
i'll die.....
yup!!!!!
i'll die....
in pain.....
it would be so ugly.....
i really hope TVXQ wont be disband....
plz don't!!!!
i beg u!!!!
plz....
if they do disband....
then i'm not going 2 support kpop ever again....
that's my vow!!!!
n i'll never set foot in Korea....
trust me....
i'll do that if TVXQ were disband....
my fucking life....
will turn to be....
MY ASSHOLE SHIT FUCKING LIFE!!!!

Frustrated.....

everyone in form 3 is having their trial....
n i'm not attending it....
b-coz of healt problem....
HUA!!!!
this is so frustrating!!!!
I want to cry!!!!
i've worked so hard 4 it....
but i can't attend it.....
what's the point of studying....
it is so unfair!!!!
i hate it....
hate it!!!!!

A Busy Week....

i'm so busy right now....
this whole week....
is full of studying n etc....
next week....
there's a big test....
damn!!!!
i hate test....
i'm sure i'll end up flunk every subject....
ok maybe not every subject....
but surely i flunk math....
i'm really suck at it....
but i'm really good at english and history....
fara said my head is always in the past....
that's why i'm good in history....
i don't care if my head is always at the past or etc....
the only thing i want is....
getting 8A in this little test....
n pmr....
i need to make sure i get more then that fucking asshole bitch, Farhanah Inani....
i need to work harder....

i wont think about the stupid things anymore....
no cfo....
no wcy....
no cable guy....
no nothing.....
its just me n my study....

one more thing....
amier already cut his hair....
he looks so much hotter now....
did i just said his hot????
ok, he is hot....
but not my type....

I can't even get up....

i wanted to cry....
i wanted to tell everybody about the pain that i've been through....
but i can't seem to let it out....
no matter how hard i tried....
i just can't....
i miss cable guy terribly right now...
its always so easy to pour all my sadness to him...
n he always seem to care....
n comfort me like nobody had ever done....
not even my parents make me felt so secured....
like he usually do....
i miss him so much...
until i got a fever right now....
i can't even get up....
its just to painful....
i cried on my bad....
i smiled in front of everyone....
i laughed at the most stupidest joke....
i ate the most unpleasant food....
i watched the most boring tv program....
n i didn't even cared about it....
because i miss him so much....
i don't even want to take my medicine....
it doesn't seems to cure my illness....
y....
y do u have to go cable guy????
i know i'm an idiot who loves u without any regrets....
i'm the idiot who always think of u....
even though i know u don't even cared about me....
i'm the idiot who never think twice about suffering for u....
i'm the idiot here....
but plz.....
make some time to notice this idiot girl right here....
plz....

My Destiny.....

my mood is all twisted this two days....
i don't smile....
i don't laugh....
i barely sleep....
n i just cried....
i miss cable guy so damn much!!!!
if he was here....
things probably went well now....
y????
y did he had to go????
what have i done until i deserve this kind of life????
i know i'm not a really good person....
but i'm not bad either....
but y bad things keep happening to me????
maybe its my destiny....
i have this bad luck....
because what i've done in the past....
i've hurt Rara....
i ignored Su....
i don't give so much attention on Diya....
i make my parents always so worried about me....
i make myself look like a super asshole jerk....
i forget about some of my long lost bestfriends....
i i don't give attention at all at Miera, Minah and Adynn, n Chah's feeling....
i make cable guy always felt miserable....
i make Danish broke up with his gf....
n the worst of all....
i hurt the perfect guy that i've ever know my whole life....
i hurt him because i was only thinking about myself....
i'm so selfish.....
i deserve all this sadness....
its my owh so dramatic destiny....
n i have to live with it....
MY DESTINY....

Another Qis Stupidness....

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
y am i that stupid????!!!!
i'm so so so stupid!!!!
well....
cfo come in 2 the class....
while the 4N (Me, Miera, Minah n Adynn) we're in class....
he smiled...
and said "yes".....
n my stupid body suddenly react....
i walked away fast from there....
living him blankly....
while my so called bestfriend....
laughed at me....
its just like when i saw abg trofi....
remember few months ago....
when abg trofi come 2 discusse about t-shirt n stuff....
i just walked away....
urgh!!!!
i always end up looking stupid....
i hate it!!!!
n i hate them saying i'm amier's girl....
I HATE IT!!!!
let me make it clear....
I HATE IT!!!!!!!
urgh!!!!
i wanted to change school....
so i don't have to see that bastard cfo face ever again....
but i wont see WCY 2....
owh....
fine!!!!
i'll stay.....
i have 2 be strong no matter what....
fighting qis!!!!

I'm The New Mrs. Wong!!!!

hahaha!!!!
i'm so prasan much!!!!
hehehe....
WCY is SO HOT!!!!
i'm still not over CFO....
but still there is a place for WCY in my heart.....
he's my hubby....
i love his height.....
i love his smile....
i love his face....
i love him....
ok maybe not love yet....
its only like....
but i believe one day....
i'll fall 4 him....
i am a person that easy 2 fall in love....
hehehe....
caiyok qis!!!!
fighting!!!!

my life is ok now....
things went on smoothly....
yup....
smoothly as in really really smooth.....
at school....
things r fine....
even though i've been really really hard 2 trying 2 avoid seeing cfo.....
but things went good.....
my study is ok now....

well.....
i have some prob with my dad....
n things like that....
but at least other things went smooth.....
even Danish is not that annoying anymore.....
he's going back 2 the student exchange program.....
good 4 him....
hahaha!!!!

2NE1 song in their new album is like super cool.....
i really enjoy all of their songs.....
check it out k.....
peace!!!!

I don't know why.....

2day....
could be the worst day i have ever had this whole year....
i know i shouldn't felt this way....
but i.....
i hate this....
i think cfo hate me....
yes....
i do thing so.....
he....
he kind off act so cold 2wards me....
i felt it when i was waiting for that fucking bus.....
he come out with his gf.....
n he gave me this discusted look.....
i was so shock....
and i tried not 2 cry....
but i guess i can't.....
its a good thing when i started 2 cried....
the bus come....
and i run towards it.....
and get the fucking hell out of there.....

serve me right.....
he should hate me before this....
so my life can go on easy way.....
if he do this a long time a go....
i wont feel this hurt.....
he should told me he hate me....
b-4 this.....
he should.....
b-coz rite now.....
i'm so totally in love with him.....
n i can't seem 2 hate him....
i can't....
i even love him more then cable guy.....

I'm so sick.....

right now....
i'm so so sick....
my stomach hurts so much.....
i can't even count how many time i have throw up.....
this is so painful....
i'm not going 2 school again.....
actually.....
right now....
i'm njoying school more then house....
but b-coz of my health problem....
i can't go to school....
SH*T!!!!
HUA!!!!
I want 2 go to school....
but i can't.....
owh well....
at least i could relaks a little bit....
and think about my life 4 a sec....
but i'm quite hating it.....
i want 2 see J & C.....
but its ok.....
there's always 2morrow....

crazy.....

my life is crazy 2day.....
crazy in a good way....
i think.....

well....
when i'm bored....
u know i intend 2 do crazy things....
n yes i do it again....
hahaha!!!!
i even make miera crazy just like me....
am i just great or what????
hehehe.....

danish is crazy to....
he let me used his things.....
its way weird.....
he smiled at me....
he let my use his lap top.....
cause my dad wants 2 sold mine....
n buy the new one.....
after pmr.....
how long is it going 2 be?????
4 month IN HELL!!!!!
URFGH!!!!!

urgh!!!!
i'm stressed out!!!!
damn it!!!!
pmr is in 98 days....
n i still don't get anything about math....
damn it!!!!
damn math!!!!
damn me!!!!
owh....
y is it so hard 4 me to understand it.....


farhana a.k.a dugong....
is really like A FUCKING BITCH!!!!
URGH!!!
i hate her!!!!
hate her!!!!
hate her!!!!
she's now liking amier....
when we're at school....
she's like calling amier....
with her so called cute voice....
"amier......."
EEEWWW!!!!!
that bitch.....
urgh!!!!
y am i jealous of her anyway?????
aish!!!!
am i liking amier????
i think its just the illusion of the heart.....
just like what minah said.....

wah!!!! scary much....

haha!!!!
i watched this new trailer movie....
a malay horror movie....
damn ass!!!!
it is SUPER SCARY!!!!
aish!!!!
its Skrip 7707
damn!!!! its only the trailer....
and i was scared like hell....
and i was watching it....
in daylight....
but i was scared like hell....
i'm so scared.....
i don't know how i'm supposed to sleep tonight....
aish!!!!
i should never watched that trailer....
argh!!!!
if my dad knows i'm scared like hell....
he will probably take advantage of it....
like making me scream my head out when he close my bedroom light....
better make sure he doesn't know this....

I'm so happy....

well....
since few days ago....
i've been writing this fic....
its involved Kara, Suju, DBSK n SS501.....
well....
i have readers and people like the fic!!!!
i am so ultimately happy!!!!
i never thought people would actually like the fic....
i'm so so so happy....
i just want to share this happiness with everyone....
i know its not a big deal at all....
but i'm really happy....
b-coz its my first attempt to write a fic....
so its a very big deal for me....
i hope many people would read it....
and like it....
here's the link:

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/qis22/

Stop treating me nicely!!!!

well....
my day is ok at school....
some embarrassed things happen....
but yeah....
its me we're talking about....
if i don't embarrassed myself 4 a day....
then it wouldn't be me....

there's some awkwardness at school....
amier was kind off act cold towards me....
i'm not sure either its only my feelings or he really does act cold towards me....
i can't blame him....
i'm not taking him seriously enough....

i saw abg trofi like so many times today....
i think miera saw him 2....
but she isn't react towards him at all....
i felt kind off bad....
miera treat abg trofi like that....
b-coz of me....
she read my blog.....
so she know my real feelings....
but i felt bad now....

at the last period of class today....
we have to arrange some chairs and tables....
i let the boys do all the work....
suprisingly....
its amier who does all the work....
i just let him be....
i just stare out of the window n started 2 think about cable guy n cfo....
well....
i hate seeing cfo so happy with other girls....
i'm jealous of it....
and i'm missing cable guy like hell this few days....
when i started to mumble....
"I really miss u cable guy...."
then the wind started to blown so aggrasively....
i was shocked....
i always thought cable guy as the wind who always follow my every step.....
then i started to cried....
gosh!!!!
i cried without a reason....

then i got back home....
n guess what....
i saw danish smiling happily looking at me....
like wth????
i hate it when he act nicely....
it gave me creeps....
eddie said that he always act weird after he brooke up with his gf....
he must be sad....
i felt sorry 4 him....
but in ay way....
i want him 2 stop treating me so nicely!!!!
i hate it!!!!
it felt wrong n creepy!!!!

Nice day.....

i'm not going to school 2day!!!!
hehehe....
its a quiet nice day 4 me.....
but not that nice.....
since danish is in my life....
so my life could never get that nice.....

watch Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen....
only one word could come out....
WOOOOOOOOW!!!!
that was THE MOST GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!
my eyes were like addicted to that movie.....
omg!!!!
i really advice u guys to go and watch it....
it's really is a well made movie.....
its better then the first one....

danish broke up with his gf....
ike WHAT????!!!!
Y????!!!!
hmm....
is it b-coz of me????
plz don't be b-coz of me....
cause i like his gf....
urgh!!!!
no wonder he's been acting really weird lately.....
see!!!!
there's must be something going on in his life....
that's y he is nice 2wards me.....
but he still don't want me 2 be friendly with amier....
that guy is weird.....
hey....
i'm ur little sister....
not ur gf....
so i can be with anyone i want 2 be with.....
n don't worry....
i wont be with amier....
at least not yet.....
hehehe.....

Amier.....

hearing that name....
makes me all stressed out!!!!
damn that guy!!!!
y does he need 2 add another 'love story' in my almost dramatic life.....
urgh!!!!
God!!!!
i wish all of this would just stop.....

what adynn n minah said yesterday is true after all.....
amier do ask me out.....
but y????
n y does it have 2 be 2morrow????
i have a so called date with my idiotic so called big brother....
its danish....
he said that starting from now on....
i'm his little sister....
and i have 2 follow everything he said....
this is all because i told him about amier....
he suddenly got mad....
n said i can't go with amier....
n i ask y.....
then he said from now on, i'm his little sister n i must follow everything he said....
WTH?????!!!!
last week....
he was a COMPLETE JERK....
then he was A SWEET GUY....
now....
he's my SO OVER PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER.....
can't my life be any better????

few years back....
my life was by a guy that i still can't 4get until now....
its cable guy....
then cfo comes into the picture....
after that....
danish arrived giving me a complete hatred at him....
now....
amier suddenly pops out of nowhere....
even though he is kind of cute....
but....
he's just not it....
i mean....
if he really want 2 ask me out....
he should ask me himself....
not by his friends....
i don't like guy like that....
he needs 2 be a little bit more brave....

What a F*cking Day!!!!

I'm SOOOO ULTIMATELY TIRED!!!!
gosh!!!!
i felt like killing somebody.....
ok.....
at school....
things are ok....

minah and adynn said....
amier ask me out.....
like WTH????!!!!
Amier Nelson ask me out????
y????
and i don't believe my 2 beloved friends....
its just not true....
y would that malay mix british guy wants 2 date me????
it doesn't make any sense AT ALL!!!!

miera said that i intends 2 talk about CFO....
like A LOT!!!!
y is it????
i thinks i love him....
but minah said....
its just the illusion of my heart....
its because i've waited cable guy 4 2 long....
so my heart needs a new hope....
minah is the new doktor cinta....
huhuhu.....

dnish is acting weird and weirder.....
his friends keep on teasing me....
but he actually stand up 4 me....
is he crazy????
this is SOOOOO NOT MAKING ANY SENSE.....
he kept asking me weird question like....
"Qis, what do u think about me?".....
"Qis, do u hate me?".......
"Qis, would u accept me as ur bf?".....
urgh!!!!!
this is so not making sense at all!!!!

Looooooveeeeeeee THIS SONG!!!!

its Hot Issue from 4 Minutes....
its SUPER FUNKY....
i really really like it....
love it....
addicted to it....
even though a lot of people say they r copying 2NE1....
i don't care....
they r just 2 cute to copy 2NE1 style....
just don't hate them....
they r SOOOO COOOOL!!!!
check it out....
miera....
give ur comment 2 me about this song 2morrow ok....

CFOlism....

urgh!!!!
y i kept seeing him????
every where i looked....
he would always pop out in the image....
urgh!!!!
its like CFOlism suddenly striking my life....
this start to give me a headache....

y am i so stressed about this????
it is because i knew....
that a lot of girl are craving for him....
and if that girls know i'm so in to him....
things will turn really ugly....
n i don't want that....
i have enough problems....
and i don;t want to add another one into it....

CFO is really getting attention right now....
i mean....
more and more girls are liking him....
few girls in my class are like crazy for him....
when they saw him....
they will be like....
"OMG!!! HE IS SO HOOOOOT!!!!"
just like what i used to act before....
actually....
when i heard them saying things like that....
it makes me jealous....
but i'm sure his gf will be MORE MORE JEALOUS then i am....
i mean who won't right....

Another day....

this is another day....
full of cfo....
darn it!!!!
urgh!!!!
y is this happen 2 me????
he is so pain in the back....
GO AWAY CFO!!!!

my friends keep teased me....
about amier....
u\i don't like it....
cause i don't like him....
just stop it ok....
i really....
really have no feelings towards him....
so don't teased me again....

well....
else then that....
every things seems 2 be fine....
its all ok....

Depressed and Stress!!!!

i flunk math AGAIN!!!!
HUA!!!!
this is so depressing....
i hate math....
but i have to score it....
in order 2 get 8A in PMR....
this doesn't look good....
i have to try my best....
do more....
and try to score math....

well....
the other exam paper....
was ok....
got A in PI, Sej and BI....
the usual subject....
its ok....
i'll work harder next time....

cfo is like every where today....
that guy really don't know how to make an entrance is he....
i'm not in a good mood....
n i can only saw him....
every where i go....
this is so stressing....
if i only saw him....
then it doesn't matter so much....
but he is with other girl....
it makes me A LOT MORE DEPRESSED AND STRESS!!!!
can't he just banish or something????

my friend keeps bullied me.....
poor me....
always be the one who get bullied....
they even teased me....
calling me Mrs. Nelson....
bonda....
umi....
Qistina Bachan.....
danias gf....
that isSO DISGUSTING!!!!
EEEWWWWW!!!!
y would i want 2 be....
gf of the person that make me so late to school today....
it just doesn't make sense 4 me 2 fall 4 him....
he is SO TOTALLY NOT MY TYPE!!!!

Back 2 school....

back to school....
after that very long 2 weeks of school break....
the school finally starts!!!!
yipee!!!!
that torturing school holiday....
is finally over....
thank God!!!!

datin is now puan seri....
hahaha!!!!
congrats Puan Seri Mazlilah....
fighting!!!!
keep up the good work....
i hope u'll do good things at our school....

cfo is like everywhere today....
any where i looked....
cfo will be there....
i guess the 2 weeks without seeing him....
is finally pay of....
i see him like every minute of that school session today....
huhuhu....
isn't that just great....
yes it is....

adynn got back from indonesia....
she brought us some souvenirs...
i got a necklace....
same as miera, minah, fara....
huhuhu....
nice....
tq adynn!!!!

everything went well....
its all cool....
except for minah making me her personal 'tukang urut'
and my friends....
keep gossiping me with amier....
urgh!!!!
don't want 2 talk about him....
.

Weird things.....

this past few nights....
i keep on getting this dream....
the same dream....
about this guy....
who i don't even know who....
its someone i didn't know....
and this dream....
keep going the same way....
i was in my waiting for bus at the bus stop....
then this guy came....
he doesn't even look at me....
he only sat beside me....
and then gone just like that....
what the hell is that dream meant....
and every time i woke up....
i get a headache....
its hard for me....
not knowing what the dream meant....
and keep getting a headache....
this is painful....
because of all this dream....
right now....
i've become a good daughter....
i do all of the house work....
without anyone asking me to....
i think i'm going crazy....

the things that drive me more crazy is....
danish....
he is such pain in the ass....
he keep on bugging me....
he said i need 2 help him....
get his gf back....
wth????
do i look like a person 2 always be used by others????
crazy guy!!!!

Karipap.....

today....
i learn how 2 make a karipap....
yipee!!!!
it looks weird....
but still good....
the taste is ok....
4 a first timer....
i'm quiet good....
hehehe....

hope i'll be good at it one day....
maybe i could become a chef or something....
just maybe....
huhuhu....

I still love him n i'm sad about it.....

today....
i go out with some people....
including miera....
we wanted 2 watch Terminator Salvation....
we get 2 watch....
it WAS AWESOME!!!!
but that isn't the thing i want 2 talk about....

i met cable guy today....
when i was about 2 buy movie tickets....
my heart start pumping so hard....
i have butterflies in my stomach....
i can't see anything but him....
all my attention draws towards him....

my heart told me 2 go and talk 2 him....
n let him know how much i miss him....
but my mind don't let me....
it control my body 2 run away from him....
maybe its the best....
cause i'll get hurt if i talk 2 him again....
my heart wont survive if i got hurt one more time....

that time....
i only think about him....
nothing else seems 2 exist....
its like....
every one of my memory about him....
come back....
every memory that i thought....
i have 4gotten....

but something quiet funny happen when i was buying the movie tickets....
cable guy was like a few feet away from me....
so i can't think straight....
n i go buy the tickets at a counter....
some cute guy was there....
i said something like this....
" 2 kids ticket n 2 children".....
isn't that the same????
that cute guy was laughing....
so cute....
then he tease me....
well....
it did take my head of cable guy 4 a while....

but after that....
cable guy is the only thing i can think about....
i thought i have 4gotten about him....
i thought i don't love him anymore....
i thought i love CFO....
but i was wrong....
SO WRONG!!!!
i guess cable guy is so hard 2 4get....
cable guy is half of me....
so how can i 4get about myself????

A song that remind me of my past....

this is a great song....
sad song....
a song that make me remind of my past....
a song that make me feel so guilty....
yet so stupid....
its Good Person....
by T-ara....

this song is about a girl....
using this certain guy....
2 torture....
her used 2 be bf/someone that she love....
the story is actually same as my life....
i used 2 love cable guy like crazy....
but he never notice it....
n just like throwing me away....
then i met my first love....
The Perfect Guy.....
he is still in love with me....
so i decide 2 accept him in my life....
n i used him 2 make cable guy regret throwing me away....
people keep saying....
i'm happy 2 have The Perfect Guy in my life....
but i'm not....
i tried 2 hurt cable guy using The Perfect Guy....
but in the end....
i'm the one who suffer the most....
cable guy doesn't feel anything....
n The Perfect Guy left me....
after he realize....
i only use him....
now he is no where 2 be found....
i'm such a bad person....
stupid me....
well...
its all in the past now....
here's the song....
listen 2 it....
hope u'll like it....

Funny....funny....funny....

well....
i just finish watching some korean star learning/speaking english....
it is SUPER FUNNY!!!!
the first one that i watch was....
tvxq....
xiah junsu english....
OMG!!!!
he is so funny!!!!
micky english was so good....
it makes xiah look so stupid....
hehehe....
but i still love him....
second was super junior....
its like SUPER DUPER FUNNY!!!!
omg!!!!
its like so funny until i can't stop laughing....
KiBum english was fantastic....
siwon was ok....
but the others....
its like super suck....
but that's what makes it funny....
i like it....
well....
when ther learn english with this some daniel teacher....
it lokks like teaching kindergarten kids....
even my lil cousin can speak better then them....
no offense....
but they need 2 improve more in their english....
but over all...
it was S0000 FUN!!!!
actually....
it makes me 4get alll my problem 4 a moment....
thnks tvxq n super junior!!!!

i'm so bored!!!!!

this is the first time in my ALMOST SO DRAMATIC life.....
I HATE SCHOOL HOLIDAY!!!!
this school holiday is.....
SO ULTIMATELY BORING!!!!
its only 4 day....
but i felt like dying in boringness.....
urgh!!!!
my parents r so busy....
leaving me with my other siblings at home....
doing so called nothing!!!!
all i do this holiday is....
watch tv....
hearing some stupid jokes by danish....
n stare at this computer 4 almost all day.....
is there anything else i can do????
well....
actually i could go study....
since pmr is so fucking near....
i should do some study....
but my brain just can't accept it....
its still suffer from TO MUCH STUDYING....
aish!!!!
ok....
i'll study after my brain got it strength back.....
like that's going 2 happen....
hehehe....

what should i do the rest of this VERY LONG holiday????
hmm....
still thingking about it....
i know!!!!
i will make a world record.....
by sleeping so long.....
that sound like dying.....
NEXT!!!!
watching tv all day long sound good....
but my eye sight will be effected....
NO WAY!!!!
I want 2 be a pilot....
so i can't ruin my eye sight.....
i think i know what i'm gonna do....
read the 1 thousand million fanfics....
that i never finish.....
then learn some korean.....
n watch drama at mysoju....
GREAT!!!!
i'm sure my holiday will be full of doing things that will damaged my brain....
that's sounds perfectly like NORQISTINA AKMAR.....
HUAHUAHUA!!!!

The things u do 4 love....

when we fall in love....
we intend 2 do stupid things....
right????
we'll act crazily 4 our love one....
n even do anything 4 them....
people intend 2 do stupid things when they're in love....
some would sacrifice their self 4 the one they love....

well....
i guess i never done anything 4 my love....
i never really fight 4 it....
maybe because i always things that i'm not suitable 4 the one that i love....
i always look down at myself....
that's my prob....
maybe that's y i'm always lose....
the love of my life....
cable guy....
abg t....
abg f....
n recently....
cfo....
how much must i lose in order 4 me 2 gain some faith in myself????

rara....
my super lovable bff....
that killed herself after she broke up with her dumb ass bf....
she is such a stupid asshole!!!!
y did she killed herself 4 that guy????
y????
but at least she brave enough 2 show that she really love him....
n will do anything 4 him....
what about me????
the only thing i've ever done 4 the one i love is....
let go....
that's me....
huh.....
i guess i need 2 find some strength 2 fight 4 my love....
if not....
i'll be single till death....
hahahah!!!!

Stand By You - TVXQ

its tvxq new song....
its SOOO GOOD!!!!
i really like em....
Junsu is the one who composed n write the lyrics....
he is so talented....
so as the other tvxq members....
here's the song n its translation....

Since the day you left without saying goodbye.
I feel like only the scent of this street's scenery has changed.
I wanted to be everything to you (and)
the promise I gave you too
Which I couldn't keep has
Changed into a memory
If I had run to you at that time,
When you were standing alone crying
Would you still be by my side?
If I could, I want to tell you one more time
That I love you
my hearts desires for you and my words can't reach you anymore (credit for this line: gerasiafan)
Chorus:
Wherever you are, whoever you're with
I wonder what you are wearing, what you are doing that makes you laugh
I'm here, I'm still here
I believe that two of us will meet again

I haven't changed my mind
I only think of you
when you appear in my thoughts with your hair tied up behind you
I have mistaken someone else from behind many times thinking it was you
Whenever the telephone rings, I keep hoping that it's you
I spend everyday pathetically
I say I can't forget you but that's a lie
Truthfully, I don't want to forget you
It's useless for me to pretend that I don't care anymore
(Because) without you, I can't feel happy about anything
No matter how much I try, I can't stop the tears from flowing
Chorus:
Wherever you are, whoever you're with
I wonder what you're wearing, what you're doing that makes you laugh
I'm here, I'm still here
I believe the two of us will meet again
End Chorus

That's why, I'm here alone again
Calling out your name
I can't live holding onto this sadness
But that's all I can do
Just by being there
You were a ray of light
Even though that time will not come again
Whatever may happen, whateverelse I'm doing
I definitely don't want to forget
The truth, that I loved you
Chorus:
Wherever you are, whoever you're with
whatever you dream of, whatever you're doing that's making you laugh
I will be here forever, I am still here
I believe I will meet you (again) someday

I haven't changed my mind
I'm only thinking of you
I haven't changed my mind
I'm only thinking of you

New House....

i moved 2 a new house 2day!!!!
yeah!!!!
what a cool thing....
but....
its....
SUPER TIRING!!!!
i'm still tired until now....
huh!!!!
i guess i'm not used 2 this kind of thing....
well....
its great....

Danish help me 2day....
i never thought that jerk will help me....
HAHAHA!!!!
i guess he change after going 2 the exchange student program....
he's like a different person....
its good....

i realize 2day....
that i have so many clothes....
some of them....
i never wear it....
n still have the price tag....
huhuhu....

A fully weird week....

this week is....
weird....
idk....
22nd may....
is my birthday....
i got so many present....
huhuhu....
n i'm loving alll of it....
thnks 2 everyone who give the present....
love u guys!!!!

i have a new nickname....
by my friends....
Mrs. Nelson....
wth????
they said amir nelson like me n i like him....
hello....
i'm only interested at CFO....
he's the only thing i want....
but sadly....
i kept seeing him with his gf....
urgh!!!!

abg trofi sit next 2 miera....
idk y....
but i felt like crying....
urgh!!!!
i don't understand my own feeling....
i hold my tears n just hold my 'K' necklace....

One day before birthday....

huh....
i'm so worried plus excited....
i'm going 2 be 15 tomorrow....
OH NO!!!!
i'm going 2 be old....
hua!!!!
no!!!!
i don't want 2 be older....
i want 2 stay 14 4ever!!!!
well....
that will never be granted....
so i have 2 accept it....
just wish tomorrow....
will be the best day ever....
but i know it wont be...
i just know it....

First day of exam....

well....
its actually good....
today is bm....
so its quite easy....
the weirdest thing is....
when i was doing writing....
my idea suddenly pops out of nowhere....
there's so many idea i can use....
n i used them all....
seriously....
its really weird....
i'm happy about it....
its a good start....
hehehe....

alone in birthday.....

there's not much 4 me 2 say rite now....
i'm just njoying my life....
n do exactly NOTHING!!!!
but i'm quite sad thingking about my soon coming birthday....
its actually this friday....
on exam day....
HUA!!!!
i'm sad....
i'm sure i'll be celebrating it alone....
kuang3....
poor me....

Just not meant 2 be....

its just doesn't meant 2 be....
me n CFO....
just not really meant rite????
just like me n cable guy....
y is this kept happening????
urgh!!!!
i'm ok with it....
i can accept the truth....
even though its hurt.....

cheer up qistina!!!!
i'm only 15....
there's no need to worry....
i'll find the right guy for me one day....
i know i will....

i know it'll be hard 4 me 2 4get CFO....
cause everyday...
the first person i'll lay my eyes on....
will be him....

Loving CFO n forgetting Cable Guy....

lalala....
what a nice day....
i feel so good today....
i just realize that....
i really really like CFO....
i kind of move on lerh....
Cable guy is still in my heart...
but he's kind of my best friend....
the more i know its hard 2 get CFO....
the more i like him....
my eyes like addicted him....
i always catch him walking around me....
ALWAYS....

it feel quite good actually....
when i finally move on....
n 4get cable guy....
even though i know CFO will end up like cable guy....
but idc....
i just want 2 be behind him....
n support every move he makes....
even if he don't know i'm behind him....
its ok....
loving him....
is one of the most wonderful thing....
i have ever felt....
just like loving cable guy....

So yesterday....

what happen yesterday????
someone from my past....
that i hate so much....
come back in my life....
Abg Trofi n miera is call the perfect couple....
n i see CFO with his beloved gf....
life sucks when all this bad things kept happening....

Naim a.k.a Toyol....
he is someone who used 2 be my brother....
the one i used 2 be respecting....
n the one who make me felt so stupid....
so unperfect....
n so many bad things....
i saw him with syafiq rid. at my school 2day....
WTF!!!!
y is the past keep haunting me????
what have i done until they keep on coming back 2 my life????

abg trofi....
n miera....
had been call as....
the perfect sweet new couple....
by some of my classmate....
when i heard their conversation....
my tears suddenly fall....
i quickly run away from there....
it happen when i was waiting 2 that stupid Rapid KL bus....
it was raining....
n i was crying....
but i kept on being strong....
i wipe out my tears....
n go back 2 that bus stop....

then a few minutes after that....
CFO suddenly walk towards the bus stop with his gf....
n my tears want 2 fall....
but i stop it....
i just smile....
even though my hearts is torn in to pieces.....

y is this all bad things kept happening towards me????
what have i done until....
i kept seeing things....
that can make me cry????
what should i do 2 become stronger????
what can i do....
2 make this pain go away????

Embarrassing Day!!!!

how embarrassing!!!!
y do i keep embarrassing myself????
stupid me....
well....
its quite fun embarrassing my own self....
it makes me laugh out loud....
hehehe....

the day start as usual....
LATE 4 SCHOOL....
i think the prefect already know that i'm going 2 be late....
The Late Girl Face....
huhuhu....
and u know who's the first person i lay eyes on....
it'll be that damn CFO....
y when i want 2 4get about him....
i keep seeing his stupid damn face????!!!!
i kept seeing his face this past few weeks....
DARN IT!!!!

then i kept seeing AT face....
y is this all keep happening to me????
its not fare ok....
i try to run away from him....
he came 2 my class 2day....
cause he need 2 discussed about the +[[g_c]]+ t-shirt....
when i saw him....
i completely change....
n run away 2 the toilet with Athirah....
its all happen 2 fast....
my body react like it has it own brain....
i was completely un aware about what i was doing....
actually....
everytime he want 2 come n see me or the others....
i'll react like that....
hope he doesn't notice it....

my heart become sad....
when i heard hurin n the gang said...
"AT is dating with miera"....
i suddenly felt like crying????
what's wrong with me????
i don't understand my own heart....
i don't like him anymore....
but y do i felt this way????

then i wrote a letter 2 minah....
i want 2 express my feelings 2 her....
she's the only one that i can trust in the class....
i don't want miera n adyyn 2 know about this....
i don't want to hurt miera's feelings....
i don't want 2 ruin her relationship with AT....
adynn suddenly grab the letter from minah's hand....
n i shout something that draws the attention of the whole class....
i never know how embarrassed i felt that time....
huhuhu....
stupid me....
but after all....
i managed 2 get that letter back b-4 adynn could even read it....

in the lab 2day....
we do some experiment....
as usual....
athirah n dugong will handle the whole thing....
me n the others....
just watch them....
after they finish the unsuccessful experiment....
they need 2 clean it....
n i said to them....
"Becareful cause if the lime water reacts with the chemical....
it'll blow...."
but that dugong bitch don't listen 2 me....
n the acidic lime explode....
n the person who was get a spalsh on the face....
would be minah n me....
i was so mad....
n i said things that i shouldn't said....
dugong is like shocked when she sees me that mad....
i never become so mad like that....
serve her right!!!!

the most embarrassing thing that happen 2 me was....
i fall infront of everyone when i was about 2 get un thee car....
WTH!!!!
qys is SO CLUMSY....
but its fun....
hehehe....

Drama Time!!!!

huhuhu....
its been a while since i write on this blog....
sorry....
i'm so busy with school n stuff like that....

well today....
there's a drama competition in my school....
me, miera, minah n adynn....
was in charge in managing the sound system n stuff....
we were running here n there in the school....
just to find a radio player....
the first radio player was burning....
there's smoke everywhere....
the second radio player....
the speaker is wreck....
the third one....
the CD player part was broken....
at last!!!!
the 4th one....
can be use perfectly....
Thank God!!!!

n then we rehearse....
well....
it went well 4 the class who do the preparation at the last minute....
it was ok....
at least we still gonna win....
cause there's only 3 classes that take part in that drama competition....
3 Kualiti surely will win the first place....
then 3 Optimis....
third n the last one would be my class....
3 Efektif....

Luqman Gelap....
he was acting weird....
he was close 2 dugong....
be friendly with her....
ask her 2 help him....
he even backing dugong when we were scolding her....
WOW!!!!
is there something going on between those 2????
no way!!!!
is he blind or something????
no right????

i'm a bitch.....

i've change so much....
since the last time i wrote on this blog....
i've become....
a mean....
stupid....
cruel....
and bad jerk....
i've become a bitch....

i kept on hurting people heart....
i say things that makes people mad....
and cry....
i wish for peoples suffer....
i wish not to see my friends anymore....
i cannot control my temper....
i don't care about my friends anymore....

what happen 2 me????
i've change to be....
some monster or something....
WTF!!!

Hahaha!!!! Silly me....

I've been acting so silly yet stupid this few days....
I don't know y....
but I kept following everything that danish ak.a my stupid neighbor....
ask me 2 do....
I go on a trip with him....
n we go swimming....
I almost drowned....
but I wasn't scared at all that time....
something inside me....
says that it'll be ok....
its like I know danish is going 2 save me....
n I wasn't scared of dying anymore....
not even a bit....
the only thing I can think about that time is....
I want everybody 2 be happy....
n remember me when i'm gone....
that's all....
but thank God i'm save....
hehehe....

few hours after that incident....
I go out on something so called 'date' with danish....
we go ice skating....
I didn't know how 2 skate....
so I made a fool of myself....
by trying 2 skate....
n fell everytime....
huhuhu....
it is lots of fun actually....
hahaha....
I guess danish isn't as bad as I though he was....
n embarrasing urself....
is quite fun....
u guys should try it sometimes....
peace ya!!!!

Hahaha!!!! Silly me....

I've been acting so silly yet stupid this few days....
I don't know y....
but I kept following everything that danish ak.a my stupid neighbor....
ask me 2 do....
I go on a trip with him....
n we go swimming....
I almost drowned....
but I wasn't scared at all that time....
something inside me....
says that it'll be ok....
its like I know danish is going 2 save me....
n I wasn't scared of dying anymore....
not even a bit....
the only thing I can think about that time is....
I want everybody 2 be happy....
n remember me when i'm gone....
that's all....
but thank God i'm save....
hehehe....

few hours after that incident....
I go out on something so called 'date' with danish....
we go ice skating....
I didn't know how 2 skate....
so I made a fool of myself....
by trying 2 skate....
n fell everytime....
huhuhu....
it is lots of fun actually....
hahaha....
I guess danish isn't as bad as I though he was....
n embarrasing urself....
is quite fun....
u guys should try it sometimes....
peace ya!!!!

Another day at school....

this is another ordinary day....
well....
as usual....
LATE FOR SCHOOL!!!!
this is all my dad's fault....
but i don't care anymore....

well...
as usual...
the first person i would saw is....
CFO....
WTF!!!!
i felt like crying everytime is saw him....
HUA!!!!

minah told me something today....
something about her....
that makes me worried sick!!!!
she said....
that the doctor suspect her....
been infacted my a disease....
named systemic lupus erythematusus....
it could cause death....
omo!!!!
i'm so worried....
i dont want to lose minah....
hua!!!!
God....
plz save minah....
plz....

Reality....

The reality of life....
i just realize it after i wake up from my sleep....
the things that hurt me the most....
is the things that i love the most....
that's the reality of life....

example....
i love walking in the rain....
but that is the thing that always makes me catch a cold....
i love reading in the dark....
but that thing will make me blind someday....
i love doing dangerous thing....
n that will get hurt every time i do it....
i love my friends....
but they r the one who hurts me the most....
i love CFO....
but he is the reason i cry every day n nite....

the second things i just realize...
is....
i always do things that people say don't do it....
that is the reality....
the more people say don't do it....
the more i will do it....

example....
my mom said....
don't eat ice cream b-4 u go off to bed....
but that's the thing i must do b-4 bead....
my dad said don't stay up watching the tv until morning....
but i always do that secretly....
my grandma said....
don't study at the last moment of exam....
but i do that all the time....
i said to myself....
don't fall 4 any guy that easily....
but that's what always happen....

the third reality that i realize 2day....
is....
we always hate the good things....
am i right????
yes i am....

example....
vegetables are good for my health....
but i hate eating it....
school is good for me....
but i always try to skip it....
studying is for the good of my future....
but i'm always to lazy to do it....
medicine is a cure for my sickness....
but i always throw it away....
n don't want 2 eat it....

so conclusion here....
the things we like....
isn't the things we should do....
the things we hate....
is the things we suppose 2 do....
and the people we love....
is also....
the people who thought us....
pain....
suffering....
n hate....
but hey....
if we always follow the rules....
n do the right thing....
life wont be fun....
my advice is....
keep doing what u want 2 do....
but don't overdue it....
cause u might end up....
hurting urself.....

I felt sad everytime i saw him today....

HUA!!!!
its getting so hard 4 me....
everyday....
when i walked in my school....
the first person i saw is....
CFO....

how can i forget him....
if i kept seeing his face....
the only way 4 me to not seeing his face is....
by not going 2 school....
heck!!!!
how many days must i skip school????
i can't do that....
i must go on with my life....

i can do it....
i can 4get about him....
i will 4get about him....
its just the matter of time....
huhuhu....
FIGHTING!!!!

SO REJECTED!!!!

its been a while since i write on my blog....
huhuhu....
welcome back QISTINA!!!!

well....
my life has turn up side down rite now....
this is all my fault actually....
serve me right....

i let CFO come in to my heart....
n then....
b-4 i could even tell him....
my true feelings towards him....
adynn told me that....
he already have a gf....
n his family support his relationship with that person....
kuang3....

i heard that....
CFO gf....
is a PERFECT girl....
surely she has everything that i wish i have....
she have everything that....
i will never have....
i feel so unperfect right now.....

even if CFO doesn't have a gf yet....
he will never accept me 2 be his gf....
cause we're like several universe different....
different races....
different religion....
different background....
i think....
the only thing that i have that same with him is....
we school at the same school....
that's all....

it doesn't matter anymore....
i just don't care about it....
maybe....
he just not meant 4 me....
i know one day i will find the right guy.....
that will love me just the way....
i love him....

Happy Bufday Cable Guy....

Happy Bufday 2 u....
My cable guy....
hope u will have the best bufday ever....
even though....
i can't be by ur side....
but i'm still want u have the best bufday ever....
n i hope God gives u every happiness in the world....
i'm happy seeing u happy....
143....

HAPPY BUFDAY DIYA!!!!

Happy Bufday Diya....
She's the greatest friend u could ever ask 4....
understanding....
caring....
cheerful....
beautiful....
brilliant....
in one word....
PERFECT!!!!

i love her so much....
she's always been a friend that by my side when i need her....
a shoulder 2 cry on....
the person u can share all ur happiness....
n sadness....
i don't know what will happen 2 me now....
if i never know her....
she's the reason y i'm still living rite now....
DIYA....
I LOVE U!!!!

He's a JERK!!!!

hua!!!!
a really BAD DAY!!!!
everything was fine at school....
ok....
not that fine....
but i can still handle it....

everything went crazy when i arrived at home....
nobody was there n i just remember something....
my mom said last night that she'll be going 2 some women organisation thingy....
she said she'll give the house keys 2 Danish (the jerk neighbor next door)....
after that....
i go 2 danish house n guess what....
no one home....
WTF!!!!
rain suddenly starts 2 fall down....
Darn it!!!!
i waited 4 him....
1 hour in the rain....
urgh!!!!
that jerk....
he's worse then a jerk....
he's a meany jerk....
FUCK HIM!!!!

i know he wants 2 get his revange on me....
but this isn't the right way....
owh....
i think i'm going to catch a cold.....
if that happen....
its danish fault....
owh....
i want 2 strangle him 2 death....
or better yet....
buried him alive....
urgh!!!!
i'm going 2 get even with u....
just wait n see danish....

random vacation....

what a day....
huhuhu....
wake up early in the morning....
take a bath n get ready for school....
rain fall down....
my phone rings....
its Fiqa....
its been a while since i talked 2 her....
she ask me to go on road trip with her....
i agreed....
so the 10 of us go to Melaka together....
me....
Abg Ejan (my neighbour)
Kak Nisa (abg ejan's fiancee)
Abg Amir (abg ejan's big brother)
Danish (the jerk neighbour next door)
Fareez (the dorky cousin of mine)
Eddie (the hot chinese guy, Danish friend)
Fiqa....
Aliah....
n Lisa....

all of us went to Melaka this morning....
n arrive at Melaka 10 am. in the morning....
fuh!!!!
its been quite a while since i go on holiday with my friends....
its fun....
i got to relax....
n clear my mind....
just wish i could take diya n chah along with me....

My bestfriends is the one who hurts me....

i'm sad....
miera n minah hurt me....
my two bestfriend....
is the one who hurt me the most....

today was a bad day....
first....
my dorky cousin broke my alarm clock....
so i woke up late....
n late for school....
n then at school....
things was fine....
have fun....
laugh with my friends....
n then....
that stupid aiman get in the picture....
i was sad b-coz that guy who gets into the same bus as me yesterday....
go home early today....
so meaning....
have to wait for the bus alone....
i try to talk to miera n minah....
but they keep on talking to aiman....
aiman that....
aiman this....
they don't even care about me....
or my feelings....

n then i heard they said something....
something about helping aiman gets his dream girl....
WTF!!!!
they know that i like aiman....
even though the feeling can't compare to my feeling towards cable guy....
but its plenty enough for me to jealous....
the thing that hurt me the most is....
my own bestfriend help the guy that i have a crush on to meet his beloved girl....
SHIT isn't it....
why is this happening to me....
I miss Rara....
I miss Su....
I miss cable guy....
I miss Diya....
diya.....
i miss u....
help me....
plz....
diya....
plz make this pain go away....

Oh no!!!! HE'S BACK!!!!

my life has turn from bad to worst....
darn it!!!
my dorky cousin from Germany is back....
urgh!!!!
i hate him....
why does he has to come back????
just go and never come back ah....
and the worst thing happen....
my dorky cousin and that jerk neighbor of mine.....
r now bestfriend....
SHIT!!!!
can't this day get any worse????

they keep on teasing me....
embarrassed me....
make fun of me....
joke's about me....
talked about how stupid am i....
talked about the mistake i have done....
and they keep on hurting me.....
urgh!!!!
i just want to strangle them to death....
or better yet....
buried the alive....
huahuahua!!!!
its a good thing that law dosen't approve those action....
if not....
i'm sure they'll be dead guy by now....

but after all....
today isn't a bad day....
something weird n shocking happen....
there's this guy in my class....
not sure what his name is....
well i usually take the same bus as him....
but i never talk to him....
today....
he takes the same bus with me....
i just look at him when he step in the bus....
suddenly....
he walked right through me....
and ask....
"Still not at home yet?" with a smile....
n i just nod....
i was shocked that time....
its the first time we ever talked.....
n then i was blushing so hard....
he smile n sat behind me....
i just keep on doing what i was doing b-4 i see him....
then....
he ask me....
"Where do u live Qis?"
i answered his question....
he look at me....
"Wow! that's far from school...."
i smiled n asked him where do he live....
"Not so far.... just down the road...." he show me his house....
"Owh...." I smiled again....
man....
i smile everytime when i'm with him....
b-4 he walk out of the bus....
he said nicely 2 me....
"Bye Qis.... Take care of yourself n be careful...."
n then he's gone....
i was like....
WHAT THE HACK IS GOING ON WITH HIM????
there's like 20 people in that bus....
so no one can harm me....
n why does he concern so much about me anyway????
hmm....
i want to know....
should i ask him tomorrow at school????
hmm....

Warning from my mom....

it was a normal morning....
accept 4 i'm not going 2 school....
sit on the couch n ate my breakfast....
my mom sit next 2 me....
she was reading a wedding magazine....
i just ignore her at first....
suddenly....
my mom said something....
"when will my daughter get marry n wear this beautiful wedding dress...."
i only look at my mom n said....
"Ma, i'm only 15.... i haven't finish study yet...."
n my mom was like....
"so? u will get marry when u reach 20 years old...."
"Sorry mom but i will only get marry after i finish my PHD...."
"what age will u be that time?"
"30 something".
"WHAT??"
"or better yet, what if i don't get marry ma? what if i stay single 4 ever?"
my mom suddenly screamed.....
"NORQISTINA AKMAR!! DON'T EVER THINK LIKE THAT!! U WILL GET MARRY OR ELSE!!"
i was thinking so i ask what does ELSE mean so i asked my mom....
i really regret asking this question....
my mom answer is....
"If u're still single when u reach 25 years old, i'm going 2 arrange ur marriage...."
my mom just smile n then walk away....
n i was like....
what????!!!!
omo....
my mom always do what she say she will do....
darn it!!!!
this is so stressing....
what r my mom thinking????
i'm still 15....
there is so much time 4 me 2 think about marriage....
i'm not worried about the looks of my future husband if my mom is the one who choose him....
b-coz i know....
my mom will only choose a guy....
who is extreamly cute....
adorable....
handsome....
so totally HOT....
rich n brilliant....
her taste is better then mine....
the thing that i'm worried about is....
she will choose somebody so perfect....
n makes me feel so unperfect beside that guy....
so meaning....
NO WAY I'M GONNA LET MY MOM CHOOSE A HUSBAND 4 ME....
but wait a minute....
i will reach 25 years old in 10 years....
that means i still got 10 years 2 think about this....
yeah!!!!
don't need 2 worry so much about it....
huhuhu....
even if i still don't have abf when i'm 25....
i can pay somebody 2 be my bf....
its not that hard....
huhuhu....
my mom surely gonna kill me if she reads my blog....
hahaha!!!!



.

.....BLANK.....

is my life getting sucker n sucker everyday....
i really have a heart attack 2 day....
aiman....
like farhanah....
WTF!!!!
why when i fall 4 him....
he will turned me down n like somebody that i hate....
sucks!!!!
hate this!!!!
HATE EVERY GUY IN THE WORLD!!!!
they r all the same....
they make u fall in love....
n then turned u down....
i'm going 2 make him pay....
i'm going 2 make every guy in this world pay....
no more Ms Nice Girl....
Ms Bad n Cruel Girl had come out....
i will make sure....
they pay 4 what they have done....
n i;m going 2 make them felt the pain i've felt....
just wait n see....

Its been 2 years already....

its been 2 years already....
n i still can't forget him....
i still can't move on with my life....
i'm so addicted 2 him....
he's like the air i breath.....
a teddy that i hold so tight every time i go 2 sleep....
the diary where i wrote all my feelings in it....
he's half of me....
n when he move....
it felt like a half of me is gone....
i'm not the same anymore.....

15.02.2007
the day where i fell in love with him....
the best day of my life....
the day i will never 4get 4ever n ever.....
its the day where i first talk 2 him....
he was so funny....
n kind....
actually....
its kind of weird b-coz....
the first time i talked 2 him....
felt like i already talked 2 him like a thousand million time....
it was so easy....
n he make me laugh just by saying some stupid things....
isn't that magical????
its the first time i can talk clearly with a guy that i barely known.....
my heart felt something that time....
something i never felt b-4....
it makes me crazy....
but it also make me felt very good....
maybe that's what people called....
LOVE.....

i have so much wish 2day....
i wish he remember this day....
i wish he will cherish all the memories that so important 4 me.....
i wish he will remember me....
i wish he will accept me as his best friend if he can't accept me as his gf.....
i wish things will always stay this way....
n my last wish is....
i wish he will always be happy....
b-coz seeing he's happy....
makes me happy.....

spending time with my cousin....
actually....
spending valentine at school....
n then hang out with my cousin....
how sad....
i'm always alone on valentine....
poor me....
but its ok....
at least....
i have my friends on my side....
n have great time....
that's what important....
isn't it????

what's TVXQ doing on valentine????
duh....
of coz they r busy....
busy with their stuff....
like i'm busy with school....
argh!!!!
valentine SUCKS!!!!

Aiman, my class mate....

WTF!!!!
huh....
this is the most shocking day ever....
that guy in my class....
aiman....
is been gossip 2 like me....
Omo....
hope its not true....
the first reason is....
Dugong like him....
i don't want 2 share my bf with any one....
second reason....
he is my classmate....
its crazy 2 couple with ur classmate....
even though he is quite cute....
but NO WAY!!!!
plz God....
make that gossip isn't true....
plz....
hope its not true....

Ohhohoho....
TVXQ is getting better n better every day....
they r so funny 2....
they keep on making me smiling all the time....
owh I just like the way they act like idiot....

caiyok!!!!
fighting!!!!
TVXQ just the best!!!!

I'm happy.... but still sad....

me n cable guy dh baik semula....
tp stupid an aku nieyh....
aku buang dia dr hdp aku.....
aku gak yg merayu dia masuk balik dlm hdp aku.....
WTF!!!!
qis ni tah pape kn????
bodoh....
tp aku x kesah....
bodoh pun bodoh ah....
yg pntg aku bhga....
yg pntg aku gembira....
yg pntg cable guy masuk balik dlm idup aku yg serba x kena nieyh....

TVXQ kn gi SM Tour kt Thailand....
aku bengkek....
knp x singgah M'sia skali....
urgh!!!!
ni nk mrajuk ngan TVXQ nieyh....
xnk sokong dorang agi....
hahaha!!!!
mcm dorang kesah kn....
ada berlambak agi fans dorang kt luar sana....
aku ni x b'makna ah buat dorang....
huhuhuhu....
i'm happy.....
but still sad....
well....
0_0....

well.... i'm still here....

hmm....
i'm still living....
breathing.....
n still hurt....
but i'm still strong....
sad....
but still fine....
i guess thinking about cable guy....
makes me strong....
even though he dosen't care about me....
maybe b-coz he was so mad with me....
but i don't care....
i will keep on living....
4 him....
4 my love him....
i love u cable guy....

I miss u Diya.....

i talk 2 diya today....
i really miss her....
i wish i could hug her....
i could cry beside her....
n tell her everything....
about my stupid life....
Diya.....
i really miss her....
when i talk 2 her....
i was about 2 cry....
but i hold it....
b-coz i can't cry in front of everybody....
i just can't.....
i don't want people thing that i'm weak....
i can't let people see my sadness....
i just can't....

SHIT!!!! i hate being like this....

hate being like this....
i'm a stupid person....
in front of everybody....
i smile n laugh....
i look like not having any problem at all....
but when no one is around....
i cry so badly....
WTF!!!!
how could my heart be heal if i don't let anybody heal it????
stupid me....
hmmm....
my life is getting worse n worse everyday....
i can't focus on my studies....
i keep on thinking the past....
i can't really survive this painful world....
what's wrong with me????
where is the old me????
the one that strong n always survive any kind of sadness....
what happen 2 her????
i guess she left when cable guy left....
my life has 2 go on....
no meter what happen....
i got to live this life....
i just hope i'm strong enough 2 keep on this life....

My heart hurt....

'm a great actress....
i only smile n laugh at school....
no one know how my heart hurts....
how i feel inside....
no one know....
they never try 2 know....

everyone is here beside me....
but yet they are so far away from me....
the first thing that makes me sad....
its my family....
my mom is busy with my lil bro n sis....
n busy with her women organization....
until she 4get about me....
she said she know that i can take care of myself....
well mom....
that's where u're wrong....
i can't take care of myself....
i'm still a child....
next is my dad....
so busy with works....
n he always said that....
he doesn't want me 2 become a spoil brat like i'm already is....
hello....
i like being a spoil brat....
i can't be a strong teenage girl....
i'm just a normal teenage girl....

the second reason my heart hurts this bad is my friends....
one by one...
they left me here all alone....
the first one 2 leave me is....
Nani....
n then....
Su....
Adynn (she become somebody i don't know....
Diya....
Rara (forever lost)....
Chah....
n now....
Miera....
am i a bad friend until they leave me....
Diya, Adynn, Chah n Miera is still beside me....
but they feel 2 far away....
they're not as close as they r b-4 with me....
this is all my fault i guess....

the third big reason....
cable guy....
i guess i'm still stuck in the past....
i still can't 4get about him....
how can i 4get about him????
he was always the place where i run 2 every time i'm sad or having problem....
he always make me happy when i'm sad....
he always said something that makes me smile n laugh....
when i have difficulties n problem....
he will always give me ways to solve all the problem n difficulties....
i've been spoiled by him....
n when i lost him....
i'm lost....
i can't do anything....
its like my half is lost....
i can't control my life anymore....
this sucks....

people keep walk out of my life....
but still....
there is people who come in 2 my life....
i have a new neighbor....
well....
they're nice....
accept for thier last son....
hs is the worst person i've ever meet....
I HATE HIM!!!!
he keeps taking advantage of me....
he's just like another guy....
he's the reason y i hate every guy in this world accept 4 my dad n cable guy....
this means....
TVXQ is out of my list....
but don't worry....
i will still support them....
i'm addicted 2 thier songs....
hmm....
this means that cable guy place will never be replace....
he is irreplaceble....
i wont let anybody replace him....
i will never let....

I want 2 die!!!!

i never felt like this b-4....
I HATE MY LIFE!!!!
there's nothing good about my life....
the more i try 2 think that my life is good....
the more it become worse....
i can't stand it anymore....
its just 2 much!!!!
i'm just a normal girl....
who's trying 2 live a normal life....
but i guess this normal life is 2 much burden 4 this normal girl....
i need a rest....
i need 2 go on vacation....
where i can clear my head....

i miss my family....
i miss my friends....
i miss my old life....
a life where i can have fun....
n i have everybody that i love beside me....
where i have diya 2 be my shoulders 2 cry on....
where i have my mom and dad....
the place where i ask 4 advice when i can't solve something.....
where i can smile....
n laugh out loud with miera n airin.....
where i can bully dugong....
where there is cable guy beside me....

my life is SUCK!!!!
i don't have time 4 my family....
i don't have time 4 my friends....
i don't have time 2 listen 2 Diya's problem....
i don't even have time 4 myself....
its sucks!!!!
I WANT 2 DIE....
SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!!

Patah hati.....

sedih gler nieyh....
hua!!!!
sedih nyer....
rs cam nk bunuh diri jer....
hati ku hancur....
jiwa ku remuk....
x sggp nk hidup agi....
TIDAK!!!!
semuanya pasti tidak akan sama sprti dulu....
nk tau pe citer????
TVXQ x jd dtg m'sia!!!!
hua!!!!
sedih nyer....
dramatik pulak aku nieyh....
sedih tul....
tp xper....
hdp mesti diteruskn....
mcm mati laki lak aku nieyh....
hahaha!!!!

hmm....
aku jumpa balik kwn lama aku....
diaorg ada yg dh brubah....
ada yg stay mcm dulu....
yg brubah tuh....
ada brubah lg baik dr dulu....
ada lg truk dr dulu....
hmm....
no cmmnt ah ttg dorang....

aku tgk jiran aku yg x gne 2 an....
makin hari....
makin ensem lak....
did i just said that????!!!!
aku rs aku ni dh gler kowt....
ishk!!!!
qistina....
back 2 reality....
u have 2....

well....
caiyok!!!!
fighting!!!!
TVXQ is the best!!!!

A day out with my family....

my new pair of shoes....
lawa x????
hehehe.....
mula2 nk beli warna hitam....
tp xder saiz....
so belilah warna putih....
still stylo....
hahaha!!!!
harga dia pun lawa gak....

kluarga ku yg sibuk shopping dkt sogo....
nk beli apa tu mama????
beli bj utk dinner mlm nnt kowt????
hehehe....
belilah utk nor skali....
hehehe.....

sempat agi ambik gmbr....
hehehe....
cermin mata hitam papa tuh....
hehehe....

A day out....

kluar ngan miera ari ni....
miera cter ah apa yg jd kat skolah.....
si abg trofi tanya kat miera knp aku lyn dier teruk.....
apa aku nk ckp kt dier....
patut ker aku baik balik ngan dier????
aku nk tp....
aku takut di lukakan....
benci dowh....

td kat jj jumpa abg hafiz ngan abg ash....
nyampah aku tgk abg hafiz dgn awek bru dier tu....
lempang kang bru tau.....
nyampahnya!!!!
peluk sini....
pegang sini....
ngada2 tul....
eee!!!!
benci tul!!!!

Story of the week....

I am so fierce right now....
urgh!!!!
all guys are the same....
USELESS!!!!
baru jer baik demam denggi....
si putera atak sebelah rumah tu cari pasal dgn aku.....
aku sepak kang bru tau....
harap muka jer hensem....
tp rude....
arrogant....
stupid....
self loving.....
ARGH!!!!
i hate him....
who the hell is he think he is.....
ske hati dier jer letak katak atas katil aku....
n ular dlm bilik air....
babi betul mamat tuh!!!!
urgh!!!!
i'm gonna make him pay....

Diya, aku demam....

diya....
aku demam panas....
adik aku pulak denggi.....
aku x pasti aku demam apa....
so boleh x kau tlg bg tahu.....
miera n chah yg aku x dtg skolah ek.....

School.... school.... school....

school....
that is one place i don't wanna be right now....
i'm bored....
stress....
lonely....
sorrow n everything that describe not happy....
i enjoy m time being with my friends....
but they keep hurting my feelings....
its so hard....
i love them but....
i'm not sure they are....
i don't have time 2 talk to diya....
i always alone waiting 4 bus 2 go home....
i always miss him....
i can't focus on my studies....
teachers keep asking me....
what's ur ambition....
n i will answer....
not sure yet....
n they will keep nagging about me not having an ambition yet.....
can't they just understand my situation here....
i have an ambition....
but....
i'm not sure if that ambition is the right ambition....
n i'm not sure....
if it fit me well....
yah!!!!
so much problem....
so much stress....
all this problem n stress come from one thing....
school....
yah!!!!
school sucks!!!!
well....
i have 2 go 2 school 2 have a bright future....
Caiyok!!!!
Fighting!!!!
TVXQ always the best.....

I miss him....

I miss u....
I miss u so much....
I don't want 2 see u....
but I miss u cable guy.....
someone please help me....
I can't get him out of my mind....
every thing around me....
reminds me of him....
even the tree looks like him....
I can't call him or text him or reach him in any way....
because I already make a promise 2 that girl....
now i learn something....
never make a promise that u can't keep.....
well....
I'm trying my best to keep that promise....
things is getting worst every day....
n when I'm sad, tired or lonely....
the first thing that came across my mind is....
him....
when I'm happy and cheerful....
the first person that I want 2 share that happiness beside my parents is....
him....
so tell me how in the world I'm going 2 keep my promise????
SHIT!!!!
life sucks....
but still....
I'm gonna try my best 2 keep this up....
no cable guy....
no love....
just me, myself n I....
caiyok!!!!
fighting!!!!
TVXQ ROCKS!!!!

So busy....

i'm so busy with school....
yah!!!!
school is boring....
have 2 wake up early in the morning....
after that go 2 school....
hear the teacher nagging.....
watch people u hate every day....
urgh!!!! hate it!!!
but school is not that bad....
i have my friends....
i have that cute looking Chinese prefect....
OMG!!!!
he is SO DAMN CUTE!!!!
when he smile....
he looks like closing her eyes....
so cute....
so loving....
so loveble....
owh....
i love him....
i'm in love.....
hahaha!!!!

the thing that always spoiled my mood in school is....
that stupid abg trofi....
URGH!!!
that stupid guy....
urgh!!!!
i hate him!!!!
hate him!!!!

I can't forgive myself....

this past few days....
have been one of the most hardest day in my life....
it feel so hard without her....
everything i do....
i remember Rara....
i can't do this anymore.....
it feel so hurt....
i miss her so damn much....
n i just can't 4give myself....
everyone said....
its not ur fault.....
don't blame urself....
but i it is my fault....
i am blaming myself....
they don't understand how it hurts....
2 know that u wasn't there when ur bestfriend need u the most....
n when u want 2 be by her side....
she already gone 4ever....
n u'll never get 2 see her face ever again....
it hurts so badly....
until i think i want 2 die....
but i don't have the guts 2 kill myself....
i just can't 4give myself....
if i just be patient.....
n stood by her side a little bit longer.....
this wont happen....
she wouldn't kill herself....
n i still have my truest bestfriend....
i wish i could turn back time....
so things wont turned out this way....
i really hate myself....