random vacation....

what a day....
huhuhu....
wake up early in the morning....
take a bath n get ready for school....
rain fall down....
my phone rings....
its Fiqa....
its been a while since i talked 2 her....
she ask me to go on road trip with her....
i agreed....
so the 10 of us go to Melaka together....
me....
Abg Ejan (my neighbour)
Kak Nisa (abg ejan's fiancee)
Abg Amir (abg ejan's big brother)
Danish (the jerk neighbour next door)
Fareez (the dorky cousin of mine)
Eddie (the hot chinese guy, Danish friend)
Fiqa....
Aliah....
n Lisa....

all of us went to Melaka this morning....
n arrive at Melaka 10 am. in the morning....
fuh!!!!
its been quite a while since i go on holiday with my friends....
its fun....
i got to relax....
n clear my mind....
just wish i could take diya n chah along with me....

My bestfriends is the one who hurts me....

i'm sad....
miera n minah hurt me....
my two bestfriend....
is the one who hurt me the most....

today was a bad day....
first....
my dorky cousin broke my alarm clock....
so i woke up late....
n late for school....
n then at school....
things was fine....
have fun....
laugh with my friends....
n then....
that stupid aiman get in the picture....
i was sad b-coz that guy who gets into the same bus as me yesterday....
go home early today....
so meaning....
have to wait for the bus alone....
i try to talk to miera n minah....
but they keep on talking to aiman....
aiman that....
aiman this....
they don't even care about me....
or my feelings....

n then i heard they said something....
something about helping aiman gets his dream girl....
WTF!!!!
they know that i like aiman....
even though the feeling can't compare to my feeling towards cable guy....
but its plenty enough for me to jealous....
the thing that hurt me the most is....
my own bestfriend help the guy that i have a crush on to meet his beloved girl....
SHIT isn't it....
why is this happening to me....
I miss Rara....
I miss Su....
I miss cable guy....
I miss Diya....
diya.....
i miss u....
help me....
plz....
diya....
plz make this pain go away....

Oh no!!!! HE'S BACK!!!!

my life has turn from bad to worst....
darn it!!!
my dorky cousin from Germany is back....
urgh!!!!
i hate him....
why does he has to come back????
just go and never come back ah....
and the worst thing happen....
my dorky cousin and that jerk neighbor of mine.....
r now bestfriend....
SHIT!!!!
can't this day get any worse????

they keep on teasing me....
embarrassed me....
make fun of me....
joke's about me....
talked about how stupid am i....
talked about the mistake i have done....
and they keep on hurting me.....
urgh!!!!
i just want to strangle them to death....
or better yet....
buried the alive....
huahuahua!!!!
its a good thing that law dosen't approve those action....
if not....
i'm sure they'll be dead guy by now....

but after all....
today isn't a bad day....
something weird n shocking happen....
there's this guy in my class....
not sure what his name is....
well i usually take the same bus as him....
but i never talk to him....
today....
he takes the same bus with me....
i just look at him when he step in the bus....
suddenly....
he walked right through me....
and ask....
"Still not at home yet?" with a smile....
n i just nod....
i was shocked that time....
its the first time we ever talked.....
n then i was blushing so hard....
he smile n sat behind me....
i just keep on doing what i was doing b-4 i see him....
then....
he ask me....
"Where do u live Qis?"
i answered his question....
he look at me....
"Wow! that's far from school...."
i smiled n asked him where do he live....
"Not so far.... just down the road...." he show me his house....
"Owh...." I smiled again....
man....
i smile everytime when i'm with him....
b-4 he walk out of the bus....
he said nicely 2 me....
"Bye Qis.... Take care of yourself n be careful...."
n then he's gone....
i was like....
WHAT THE HACK IS GOING ON WITH HIM????
there's like 20 people in that bus....
so no one can harm me....
n why does he concern so much about me anyway????
hmm....
i want to know....
should i ask him tomorrow at school????
hmm....

Warning from my mom....

it was a normal morning....
accept 4 i'm not going 2 school....
sit on the couch n ate my breakfast....
my mom sit next 2 me....
she was reading a wedding magazine....
i just ignore her at first....
suddenly....
my mom said something....
"when will my daughter get marry n wear this beautiful wedding dress...."
i only look at my mom n said....
"Ma, i'm only 15.... i haven't finish study yet...."
n my mom was like....
"so? u will get marry when u reach 20 years old...."
"Sorry mom but i will only get marry after i finish my PHD...."
"what age will u be that time?"
"30 something".
"WHAT??"
"or better yet, what if i don't get marry ma? what if i stay single 4 ever?"
my mom suddenly screamed.....
"NORQISTINA AKMAR!! DON'T EVER THINK LIKE THAT!! U WILL GET MARRY OR ELSE!!"
i was thinking so i ask what does ELSE mean so i asked my mom....
i really regret asking this question....
my mom answer is....
"If u're still single when u reach 25 years old, i'm going 2 arrange ur marriage...."
my mom just smile n then walk away....
n i was like....
what????!!!!
omo....
my mom always do what she say she will do....
darn it!!!!
this is so stressing....
what r my mom thinking????
i'm still 15....
there is so much time 4 me 2 think about marriage....
i'm not worried about the looks of my future husband if my mom is the one who choose him....
b-coz i know....
my mom will only choose a guy....
who is extreamly cute....
adorable....
handsome....
so totally HOT....
rich n brilliant....
her taste is better then mine....
the thing that i'm worried about is....
she will choose somebody so perfect....
n makes me feel so unperfect beside that guy....
so meaning....
NO WAY I'M GONNA LET MY MOM CHOOSE A HUSBAND 4 ME....
but wait a minute....
i will reach 25 years old in 10 years....
that means i still got 10 years 2 think about this....
yeah!!!!
don't need 2 worry so much about it....
huhuhu....
even if i still don't have abf when i'm 25....
i can pay somebody 2 be my bf....
its not that hard....
huhuhu....
my mom surely gonna kill me if she reads my blog....
hahaha!!!!



.

.....BLANK.....

is my life getting sucker n sucker everyday....
i really have a heart attack 2 day....
aiman....
like farhanah....
WTF!!!!
why when i fall 4 him....
he will turned me down n like somebody that i hate....
sucks!!!!
hate this!!!!
HATE EVERY GUY IN THE WORLD!!!!
they r all the same....
they make u fall in love....
n then turned u down....
i'm going 2 make him pay....
i'm going 2 make every guy in this world pay....
no more Ms Nice Girl....
Ms Bad n Cruel Girl had come out....
i will make sure....
they pay 4 what they have done....
n i;m going 2 make them felt the pain i've felt....
just wait n see....

Its been 2 years already....

its been 2 years already....
n i still can't forget him....
i still can't move on with my life....
i'm so addicted 2 him....
he's like the air i breath.....
a teddy that i hold so tight every time i go 2 sleep....
the diary where i wrote all my feelings in it....
he's half of me....
n when he move....
it felt like a half of me is gone....
i'm not the same anymore.....

15.02.2007
the day where i fell in love with him....
the best day of my life....
the day i will never 4get 4ever n ever.....
its the day where i first talk 2 him....
he was so funny....
n kind....
actually....
its kind of weird b-coz....
the first time i talked 2 him....
felt like i already talked 2 him like a thousand million time....
it was so easy....
n he make me laugh just by saying some stupid things....
isn't that magical????
its the first time i can talk clearly with a guy that i barely known.....
my heart felt something that time....
something i never felt b-4....
it makes me crazy....
but it also make me felt very good....
maybe that's what people called....
LOVE.....

i have so much wish 2day....
i wish he remember this day....
i wish he will cherish all the memories that so important 4 me.....
i wish he will remember me....
i wish he will accept me as his best friend if he can't accept me as his gf.....
i wish things will always stay this way....
n my last wish is....
i wish he will always be happy....
b-coz seeing he's happy....
makes me happy.....

spending time with my cousin....
actually....
spending valentine at school....
n then hang out with my cousin....
how sad....
i'm always alone on valentine....
poor me....
but its ok....
at least....
i have my friends on my side....
n have great time....
that's what important....
isn't it????

what's TVXQ doing on valentine????
duh....
of coz they r busy....
busy with their stuff....
like i'm busy with school....
argh!!!!
valentine SUCKS!!!!

Aiman, my class mate....

WTF!!!!
huh....
this is the most shocking day ever....
that guy in my class....
aiman....
is been gossip 2 like me....
Omo....
hope its not true....
the first reason is....
Dugong like him....
i don't want 2 share my bf with any one....
second reason....
he is my classmate....
its crazy 2 couple with ur classmate....
even though he is quite cute....
but NO WAY!!!!
plz God....
make that gossip isn't true....
plz....
hope its not true....

Ohhohoho....
TVXQ is getting better n better every day....
they r so funny 2....
they keep on making me smiling all the time....
owh I just like the way they act like idiot....

caiyok!!!!
fighting!!!!
TVXQ just the best!!!!

I'm happy.... but still sad....

me n cable guy dh baik semula....
tp stupid an aku nieyh....
aku buang dia dr hdp aku.....
aku gak yg merayu dia masuk balik dlm hdp aku.....
WTF!!!!
qis ni tah pape kn????
bodoh....
tp aku x kesah....
bodoh pun bodoh ah....
yg pntg aku bhga....
yg pntg aku gembira....
yg pntg cable guy masuk balik dlm idup aku yg serba x kena nieyh....

TVXQ kn gi SM Tour kt Thailand....
aku bengkek....
knp x singgah M'sia skali....
urgh!!!!
ni nk mrajuk ngan TVXQ nieyh....
xnk sokong dorang agi....
hahaha!!!!
mcm dorang kesah kn....
ada berlambak agi fans dorang kt luar sana....
aku ni x b'makna ah buat dorang....
huhuhuhu....
i'm happy.....
but still sad....
well....
0_0....

well.... i'm still here....

hmm....
i'm still living....
breathing.....
n still hurt....
but i'm still strong....
sad....
but still fine....
i guess thinking about cable guy....
makes me strong....
even though he dosen't care about me....
maybe b-coz he was so mad with me....
but i don't care....
i will keep on living....
4 him....
4 my love him....
i love u cable guy....

I miss u Diya.....

i talk 2 diya today....
i really miss her....
i wish i could hug her....
i could cry beside her....
n tell her everything....
about my stupid life....
Diya.....
i really miss her....
when i talk 2 her....
i was about 2 cry....
but i hold it....
b-coz i can't cry in front of everybody....
i just can't.....
i don't want people thing that i'm weak....
i can't let people see my sadness....
i just can't....

SHIT!!!! i hate being like this....

hate being like this....
i'm a stupid person....
in front of everybody....
i smile n laugh....
i look like not having any problem at all....
but when no one is around....
i cry so badly....
WTF!!!!
how could my heart be heal if i don't let anybody heal it????
stupid me....
hmmm....
my life is getting worse n worse everyday....
i can't focus on my studies....
i keep on thinking the past....
i can't really survive this painful world....
what's wrong with me????
where is the old me????
the one that strong n always survive any kind of sadness....
what happen 2 her????
i guess she left when cable guy left....
my life has 2 go on....
no meter what happen....
i got to live this life....
i just hope i'm strong enough 2 keep on this life....

My heart hurt....

'm a great actress....
i only smile n laugh at school....
no one know how my heart hurts....
how i feel inside....
no one know....
they never try 2 know....

everyone is here beside me....
but yet they are so far away from me....
the first thing that makes me sad....
its my family....
my mom is busy with my lil bro n sis....
n busy with her women organization....
until she 4get about me....
she said she know that i can take care of myself....
well mom....
that's where u're wrong....
i can't take care of myself....
i'm still a child....
next is my dad....
so busy with works....
n he always said that....
he doesn't want me 2 become a spoil brat like i'm already is....
hello....
i like being a spoil brat....
i can't be a strong teenage girl....
i'm just a normal teenage girl....

the second reason my heart hurts this bad is my friends....
one by one...
they left me here all alone....
the first one 2 leave me is....
Nani....
n then....
Su....
Adynn (she become somebody i don't know....
Diya....
Rara (forever lost)....
Chah....
n now....
Miera....
am i a bad friend until they leave me....
Diya, Adynn, Chah n Miera is still beside me....
but they feel 2 far away....
they're not as close as they r b-4 with me....
this is all my fault i guess....

the third big reason....
cable guy....
i guess i'm still stuck in the past....
i still can't 4get about him....
how can i 4get about him????
he was always the place where i run 2 every time i'm sad or having problem....
he always make me happy when i'm sad....
he always said something that makes me smile n laugh....
when i have difficulties n problem....
he will always give me ways to solve all the problem n difficulties....
i've been spoiled by him....
n when i lost him....
i'm lost....
i can't do anything....
its like my half is lost....
i can't control my life anymore....
this sucks....

people keep walk out of my life....
but still....
there is people who come in 2 my life....
i have a new neighbor....
well....
they're nice....
accept for thier last son....
hs is the worst person i've ever meet....
I HATE HIM!!!!
he keeps taking advantage of me....
he's just like another guy....
he's the reason y i hate every guy in this world accept 4 my dad n cable guy....
this means....
TVXQ is out of my list....
but don't worry....
i will still support them....
i'm addicted 2 thier songs....
hmm....
this means that cable guy place will never be replace....
he is irreplaceble....
i wont let anybody replace him....
i will never let....

I want 2 die!!!!

i never felt like this b-4....
I HATE MY LIFE!!!!
there's nothing good about my life....
the more i try 2 think that my life is good....
the more it become worse....
i can't stand it anymore....
its just 2 much!!!!
i'm just a normal girl....
who's trying 2 live a normal life....
but i guess this normal life is 2 much burden 4 this normal girl....
i need a rest....
i need 2 go on vacation....
where i can clear my head....

i miss my family....
i miss my friends....
i miss my old life....
a life where i can have fun....
n i have everybody that i love beside me....
where i have diya 2 be my shoulders 2 cry on....
where i have my mom and dad....
the place where i ask 4 advice when i can't solve something.....
where i can smile....
n laugh out loud with miera n airin.....
where i can bully dugong....
where there is cable guy beside me....

my life is SUCK!!!!
i don't have time 4 my family....
i don't have time 4 my friends....
i don't have time 2 listen 2 Diya's problem....
i don't even have time 4 myself....
its sucks!!!!
I WANT 2 DIE....
SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!!