I can't forgive myself....

this past few days....
have been one of the most hardest day in my life....
it feel so hard without her....
everything i do....
i remember Rara....
i can't do this anymore.....
it feel so hurt....
i miss her so damn much....
n i just can't 4give myself....
everyone said....
its not ur fault.....
don't blame urself....
but i it is my fault....
i am blaming myself....
they don't understand how it hurts....
2 know that u wasn't there when ur bestfriend need u the most....
n when u want 2 be by her side....
she already gone 4ever....
n u'll never get 2 see her face ever again....
it hurts so badly....
until i think i want 2 die....
but i don't have the guts 2 kill myself....
i just can't 4give myself....
if i just be patient.....
n stood by her side a little bit longer.....
this wont happen....
she wouldn't kill herself....
n i still have my truest bestfriend....
i wish i could turn back time....
so things wont turned out this way....
i really hate myself....